A stream of thoughts.

Never in my life did I expect for this to happen. For any of this to happen actually. There’s nothing that I’ve done, that I regret when it comes to you. Liking you for that long, I don’t regret it at all. But somehow, I feel like you regret not seeing me till now. Was it difficult? Yes. Was it long? Yes. Am I mad? No. We all go through trials and obstacles. We do. But look, there’s always sunshine after the rain right? I’ve said it before, those 5 years was my storm, but now, all I see is sunshine.

I asked myself, where and when exactly did I fall in love with you. For sure and without a doubt it was in Mexico but surprisingly, it wasn’t one exact moment. I fell in love with you little by little. From every “good morning” to “good night”, to you serving God in their worship team, sharing your testimony, to even just kicking your shoe at the convenience store (loll, sorry). That whole week, especially friday, was so special. It’s an unforgettable experience that I will never forget. Oh goodness, it sounds so cliche bwahah, “falling in love at a foreign place” but meh, oh well.

So, you made a pledge, and now it’s my turn.

I, Eunice, will promise to love God and allow him to mold my heart before I give it fully to you. For you, I’ll wait as long as it takes for us to both be ready. Together or not, I will do my best to show you how much I love you, whether it’s giving you to someone else or through the rest of my life. I promise to have faith, trust, and patience because I love and care for you so much. So, let the waiting begin eh?

p.s. I love you.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

It’s different. Countless times, I’ve dreamed about the day when you would finally come around. Now it’s here…I don’t feel giddy, foolish, or light and airy (if that makes sense). It’s realer. Tangible. Memorable. Substantial. I know I’m not ready for a relationship but if there was some reason why I couldn’t let you go for the past 5 years, does that mean something? Whatever the future holds for us, it’s all in God’s hands. If that means waiting for 5 more years, I will. You are too special to me to let this go.

But.

If for any reason we don’t work out, I want you to remember this.

Those moments and memories we’ve shared have been some of the happiest times I’ve experienced. The revelation that you too, liked me, you don’t know how happy I was. However, if time separates us or even distance, I want you to know that you will always be my best friend. Wherever we may be, I will always be here for you. And if God has prepared someone else for you, I pray she will love and cherish you as much as I do. I hope she will appreciate the way you care for your family, the way you get so passionate when playing guitar, or how devoted you can be to anything. I hope she doesn’t overlook the little things you do to make her happy. I pray she puts God first in the relationship and I hope she loves you with all her heart as much as I would. I only wish you the best because I know you would do the same. Meilleur ami, never forget this.

Mexico Mission Trip 2015

I went on a mission trip to Mexico and for just that one week it was an unforgettable experience and I’ve learned so much from the people there. Our week focused on prayer, which is the Primary work of God’s people. (cmalliance.org) Preparing for Mexico, I found it quite tedious and my heart was never really in it. However, as we arrived, God slowly changed my heart. The people I met, the hands I shook, the prayers that were said, the testimonies; every single moment opened my eyes. The boldness, the hospitality, and the faith they had, even with a language barrier I could still feel God working.

Every morning we would all gather and pray and share things we’ve learned. It was nerve wrecking at first but as the week went on I found myself looking forward to it.  I felt convicted, even, because I always thought of prayer as a chore and something I didn’t have time for but I’ve learned that prayer is such an easy and simple thing to do. Something I didn’t need to complain about. I cared so much about what people would say and think because that was the norm here. In Mexico, people had no fear, they didn’t care what people thought, and it was as if they were alone with God. Prayer is a way to build a relationship and communicate with God. It’s from your heart to his so why should I mind what people might say or think?

Although only a few hours away from home, this culture, and my experiences have impacted me in a way I never thought it would. Just as I was encouraged, I also want to encourage everyone to continuously be praying for missions, that every nation will come to know and worship God. Maybe pray for the courage to partake in world missions if that is what you are called to. Whoever and wherever you are, you can partake in missions through prayer, through giving, and through going.

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Or is it just me?

There I go, down the hole.

Deeper and deeper I fall into it.

Your words, the memories, your touch, push me down farther.

I can no longer get out.

But it’s ok.

I just hope you’re falling too.

Where has time gone?

Fear, worry, excitement, these are the things I, a junior, am going through. Sure, this is the last year for state testing but SAT’s and all these other tests are waiting around the corner. Questions like “What do you plan to do? Where are you headed? What do you want to take?” flood my brain. The people around me, my loved ones are all grown up and headed towards their dreams and making them realities. People are going to work or graduating, and in the midst of all this, I can’t help but think “Where has time gone?”. The innocent days of playing tag and sliding down slides, are they all just memories now?

College is becoming so clear and I’ve decided to study in New York. So, yes, that means I will be leaving safe and comfortable California to the hustling and bustling streets of New York. I’m excited. Many tears will be shed but the city is calling me. This isn’t a superficial desire of wanting to be in “the land of dreams”, it’s real and I’m prepared for it. The future is scary but that’s what makes it so exciting.

So, my friends, wherever you are in your life, always look forward. Cherish your loved ones, be discerning, and have absolutely no hesitations. :)

A much delayed Manila post.

Just wanted to share a few pics that I took on our trip to Manila, PI. Better late than never right? ;)

This is the end.

There are those times when you just know it’s time to stop. You’ve wasted all your time, thoughts, and tears over this person. It may be hard to let go but you have to. If you don’t, it’ll just lead to more heart break and heart ache. They’re not worth it. You have to be strong. Enough is enough.

“I…I can’t take it anymore. I’ve cried enough, hurt enough, and I just can’t take it anymore. Too many times have I fallen back but this time..this time will be different. Too many years have been wasted over you. I honestly don’t know why I loved you and why I continue to. Go ahead. Go to her. And her, and her, and her. Patiently I have waited, but I was always your second choice. I understand that you care for me, but in my heart, soul, and mind I know that there will always be someone you’ll choose before me. So, I’m letting you go.”

Confessions of a Highschooler

So as most of you know, my sister is going away to college this year. It had me thinking about my future and where I want to go. I mean I’ve thought about it since 8th grade but the closer I get to graduating, it’s become a little more serious. I do and have always wanted to go straight to a 4-year college of some sort and move on with my master’s. There are so many career choices that I would LOVE to do but do I go to college with a major that can help me more financially in the future, or with a major I truly enjoy no matter what the outcome is? I know, I know, I still have 2 years left (thank goodness) but I guess with my sister’s leaving, I feel a bit more pressured. Maybe the questions of what I want to do, need to back off a bit. *sigh*

ON A LIGHTER NOTE, lol, I’m kind of an organization freak. Like I organize but I don’t clean. (If that makes any sense) And sure I’m sad that my sis is leaving, but I get the whole room to myself and organize it to my heart’s desire. Plus, can you say entire closet? Sorry beeg. :P